Self-sabotage

© Krystallenia Photography

Well, this can be a controversial post once I think some people won’t understand it or won’t agree with parts of it.

Self-sabotage is really common, speaking about artistic life. I witnessed some colleagues facing self-sabotage issues in an almost consciously way – I mean they were doing it on purpose provoking their minds to think negatively and adopting clearly bad choices and consequently mean attitudes with themselves.

But I must say I am convinced that is much more to talk about concerning this theme.

I realized I was self-sabotaging myself in a real evident way more or less six years ago. But it was not conscious.

I never told this story… So I was recording my second album and it was an emotionally difficult period for me, but really good professionally. Believe it or not every single day of my recording I woke up with no voice and dealing with panic because I had to record every afternoon during a week.

The impressive thing is that since the moment I woke up till the moment I had to sing somehow my voice became clear and ready to work.

And no… I wasn’t nervous, I was over excited, I wasn’t worried… I just didn’t feel good every single morning. Even my body was not in the perfect conditions.

Some days before I went to do my regular blood check-up and the results came out precisely during the recording days so I decided to take a few hours off to go to the doctor and show the results and try to understand what was wrong with me.

I still remember my doctor’s face looking at the results of the exams and then to me and saying:

“Everything is ok with you. Perfect results, nothing to look at. You’re issue is the way you deal emotionally with yourself.”

And so I did record my album which I’m really proud of and I kept working trying to be gentler with me.

Years later the book “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks was suggested to me and I read it in two days as I felt curious about it. Here the author talks about Upper Limits and how we seem to be always intolerant to feeling completely good. It’s a really interesting book, which I do suggest you to read. Basically an Upper Limit is like a limit that you put in yourself to feel good. As Hendricks wrote:

“Each of us has a limit tolerance for feeling good”.

I also suggest you to watch to this episode by Marie Forleo:  Stop Self-sabotage with this one vital step

So for all of us who tend to self-sabotage let’s take a new posture towards it. Let’s value and be more gentle with ourselves.